At buyacar we are already bored of the next Royal Wedding. The publicity that Kate Middleton and HRH Prince William have received so far is, of course, only the tip of the iceberg. And the couple have only just announced the date, after literally days of speculation.
Why, you might wonder, do we care about this event at all? Kate seems a perfectly uncomplicated bride for our simple future king, who proposed whilst on holiday in Kenya with friends.
I wonder how long she had to think about that one?
This was announced in the same way as you might announce that you’d had a horse come in third on an each way bet.
It was the people at Car who first began to speculate, in the blind hurry for copy surrounding this media event, about which car the Royal couple might choose to carry them to the ceremony.
None of them were very interesting. But we have our own suggestion for the wedding.
We thought about suggesting a VW Beetle after Harry’s previous fancy dress exploits.
And obviously the republican in you wants to suggest something small and uncomfortable, anything which means the couple might not even make it to the wedding. The automotive equivalent, if you like, of putting the Queen into a council-run nursing home.
And you’d want something surely which represented the state of the British automotive industry. As a reflection of the condition of the monarchy, a thing nobody really cares about, propped up by occasionally preposterous media events. Something once proud when the world was a very different place, something outmoded, something insubstantial and lapsed into a cruel pastiche of itself.
So, something cruel and decrepit. There can only be one winner.